While it’s a little tough to fathom at this point, The New Yorker went ahead and forecasted several things millennial grandparents will say to their grandkids when they reach the appointed age:

  1. I packed you some coconut water for the trip home; you’re welcome.
  2. I didn’t fight for free health care for you not to get your checkups!
  3. Are you getting enough to eat? Let me look at your Instagram posts.
  4. When I was dating your grandfather, we would sit there politely looking at our own cell phones, none of this V.R.-goggles-dating business.
  5. I’m taking the Hyperloop to Coachella to see a hologram sing and dance, so don’t tell me you can’t video chat with me every week.
  6. I love you. Drink your kombucha.
  7. Honey, I told you, if you don’t text me, I forget. I love you, happy belated birthday!
  8. Hmm, sounds like a wheat allergy to me.
  9. I had a lovely conversation with the navigator on the self-driving bus this morning. We both have the same first name, Madison. And then it turned out that there were four or five other Madisons on the bus, too!
  10. I didn’t move out of my parents’ house until I was 30, and then I moved back in when I turned 50 to take care of them.
  11. We all remember when Nicki Minaj clapped back at Miley Cyrus at the MTV Video Music Awards.
  12. We all remember when Florida sank into the Atlantic.
  13. Kids, if anyone tries to tell you one weird trick to banish belly fat, just ignore them.
  14. Oh, I wish I could show you kids photos from back then, but we used Snapchat for our wedding pictures.
  15. Sit down and listen to this. It’s called E.D.M., and it was all the rage when I was your age. Wait for the bass to drop!
  16. You were always my favorite. When I die, I’ll leave you my Twitter password.
Filed under: funny, grandparents, millennials